Empathy

 

Empathy

Having empathy for others is what makes us human. Seeing ourselves reflected back in each other is how we build community. Understanding someone's situation, even when we haven't walked through it ourselves, is how we connect on a human level. Think back to a time when you were in a rough spot and someone came up alongside you to lend a listening ear, some advice, or maybe they just sat with you in the moment just being supportive. That's empathy and it was shown directly to you in your time of need. It doesn't take much for us to put ourselves in someone else's shoes. When we do, it can give us a whole other perspective and maybe even change our lives for the better.

Humans have existed over the course of centuries because of our empathy, not despite it. Empathy makes us come together to troubleshoot and help one another. It's what keeps us alive. Empathy makes us stronger. It's our superpower. Being able to make someone feel seen and heard can change their day or even their life. Embrace your empathy and others and see it for what it really is - a way for one heart to connect to another.

Believe Them

 

People will show you who they are, or even better they will tell you who they are, the very first time you encounter them. The problem becomes, do we believe them, the first time? The answer should be yes but we often excuse their words and behavior as we continue to get to know them. What usually happens then? You guessed it they end up showing us who they are again maybe a few months down the road or even a few years and we are left feeling devastated or even broken without them. Here's the truth though, you saw the red flags right from the beginning but you ignored them. You saw the bad or inconsistent behavior in the beginning but thought to yourself that with enough love and patience, that can be changed. You fell in love with the idea of the relationship but not the actual person that showed up from day one. People are consistent, sometimes not with their words, but with their actions. They will show you what's meaningful to them, how they spend their time, and how they speak about loved ones right from the jump. The greatest lesson you can learn in life is that when someone shows you who they are believe them ... the first time (thank you Maya Angelou). Our job is to not excuse the red flags but to see them for what they are and then move on ... the first time.

Erase

 

Erase

When you try to erase the past, you are trying to erase yourself. Everyone has a past. Everyone has things that have happened. Some are good memories, some are tough memories, but everything that has happened has made you who you are up until this point. Trying to erase, ignore, or forget the past means that you are also cutting that piece of yourself out. Although it can be hard to face, our past makes us do better, be better, strive for better, and even act better in our present for that’s our gauge of how much we’ve grown.  Don’t erase your past. Don’t let anyone else try to erase it either. We can’t learn from life if we don’t look to the past as our guide for what we are facing today.

Do Something You Love

When was the last time you truly did something you love? When was the last time you plugged into that piece of you that brings you joy? If it's been awhile, here's your sign that you've been waiting for to no longer delay. When you infuse play, laughter, and joy into your life, you also usher in new energy, new creativity, and even better - new possibilities. With all of your responsibilities throughout each day, put do something you love on that list. Even if you spend just a few minutes doing it -

• Have a 30 second dance party
• Journal
• Draw
• Play your favorite song and sing along
• Go for a walk with your pup
• Pick up that instrument (yes tambourines count)
• Bake your favorite cookies
• Grab a deck of cards for a quick game of solitaire
• Read the next chapter of that book
• Workout
• Finish that craft
• Write the next chapter of your book

Whatever it is that fulfills you, whatever it is that infuses some joy back into your life, DO THAT TODAY.

Do the Work

 

We all want to heal from past pain, trauma, or patterns. We want to be able to move forward with new opportunities and new beginnings without dragging the past along with us. We want to be able to create new possibilities without reliving the past. But are we willing to do the work necessary to propel us forward?

Some people stop themselves from healing because they think it's going to hurt worse than the pain the are already in. Some people stop themselves because it means they would need to confront all aspects of their own behavior.  Whatever your reason is that paralysis you to "do the work", understand that you are making a clear choice to stay exactly where you currently are. Nobody can want you to succeed or change more than you want it for yourself. No therapist, family member or friend can will it to happen. The only way your life changes is when you decide to finally be an active participate and get brutally honest with yourself. 

There is an incredible healing power when you choose to get real, when you choose to finally speak your truth in all areas of your life, even the ones that are painful and ugly. That old saying, the truth will set you free, well it's not a cliche. By owning your story, without judgment, you start to free the ties that bind you to the past. By acknowledging why you do the things you do, by owning your actions and behavior, by forgiving yourself, well then you break open the door not just to healing but to true transformation.

Grace

 

Grace

Too often we are so hard on ourselves. We don't give ourselves a lot of room for error. At the end of the day we feel like we haven't accomplished much and tend to lay our heads down on our pillows going through all of the things we did wrong or just didn't get to at all. We are so hard on ourselves at times but to what end? Would you berate someone you love daily? Would you chastise them for all the things they didn't do or would you say, you were doing the best you could today and that's good enough? You would give them grace, so why don't you give that to yourself? Why are you constantly berating yourself instead of realizing that waking up in the morning and going forward with the day is an accomplishment. Showing up for people is an accomplishment. Doing your job, being there for your kids, family, friends, is an accomplishment. So what if you didn't get to that load of laundry or get to vacuum up all the dog hair on the stairs, you made someone smile today. You made someone feel seen and heard. Maybe you even made yourself belly laugh. That is accomplishment. It's time to give yourself the grace you give to others. Be gentle with yourself. You only have one vessel, treat it with the respect, love and grace it deserves (you deserve).

AND

 

AND

Life is all about lessons and learning. That's why we are here folks! Part of that lesson is the understanding that two things can be true at the same time and more often than not, they are. Why has everything become so polar opposite where you can only believe one thing to be true when really, many things can be true at the same exact time. We live in a world where everything appears to be one way or the other, this or that, when the truth is most of us don't see life that way. We live in the and.

Not sure what that means?  Well here you go - you can can be in deep grief and also find beauty in the world at the same time.  These two things can be true just as equally living parallel to each other. The feeling of grief and this feeling of awe can exist at the same time. That is a much different statement than saying one can be in deep grief but also find beauty in the world.  That makes the experience separate with one feeling almost trying to negate the other when both are true.  

You can be brave and scared at the same time. 

If we all start using the word and where there now tends to be an period, imagine how many conversations could be de-escalated, how many discussions would remain flowing, how much more room there would be for truth? Most likely quite a bit would change! 

Where in life are you putting a 'but' an 'or' or even a period in statements where an AND aught to be? Be cognizant of the words you use, they matter more than you realize.

Disconnect

 

Disconnect

With technology and information at our fingertips we are supposed to feel very connected, right? Nope, not at all. The opposite has become true. The more we are connected to everyone and everything, the more disconnected we feel from each other and even from ourselves. Why is that? Because we are missing the key ingredient when it comes to connection, the actual connecting with another human being ... the give and take, the banter back and forth, the sharing of ideas, advice, laughter, and just connecting to another soul. You will never get that through social media. Although it has the word social in it, it's still media, a production value meaning you will only see what others want you to see. You are not connecting or seeing the whole picture. You are only seeing a highlight reel. We often put merit into what we see others doing, what they are a part of, what their lives are like when in truth, we are only seeing a second or a few minutes at best and it's usual the best of their day, week or month. Let's be clear, that's not connecting. 

The truth is the more "connected" we seem to be, the more disconnected we have become with each other. Maybe we need to flip the script. Maybe if we disconnect from all the technology around us, we will start to once again connect with those in the same room, in the same house, or even in the same car. Maybe we need to connect to friends, not by liking a picture or a post, but by having a cup coffee with them. Maybe when we are at an event, a work gathering, a meeting, etc., we leave our phones back and make an effort to see the people in our spaces and get to know who they are and who knows, we might just get to know ourselves again in that process too. It's time to get out of our silos and start engaging in life and with each other in a real way once again.

Get Out of the Way

 

Get Out of the Way

Growth can happen.  Change can occur. Miracles can show up but first, you need to get out of the way. Too many times we try and map the path for something to occur.  Too many times we try and navigate all the players and the pieces how we see it should play out. We forget what life has shown us time and time again, that if we get out of they way, life can unfold in ways you couldn't have even imagined and rather quickly too. 

It's amazing what can happen when you remove yourself from the outcome. Things start to shift and change, people start making decisions that need to, solutions come from different angles that were not there before.  And why? Because you gave room for that to occur. You didn't try to take it all on and figure it out yourself when it wasn't yours to figure out to begin with. Stop inserting yourself in situations that would be best left to unfold if you just stepped aside and got out of the way. 

Try it today. What is something you actually have no control over that you've been trying to manage? What can you step aside from and watch it unfold.  Remember, sometimes it needs to first get messy in order for the best outcome to occur. Here's the most surprising piece, people that you could have never imagined may just step up and be the ones to fix things. They would have never had the opportunity if you didn't step aside and allow room for them to show what they were capable of. You don't always have to be the one fixing things, sometimes the best thing you can do is to get out of the way.